Oct 15 2008
I Eat SUPers for Breakfast
Several years back, on an early fall day much like today, with a solid late-season south swell churning in the water, Laird Hamilton showed up at Malibu and changed the surfing world as we know it forever. “What climactic event took place that day?” you might ask. Did he tow into Third Point bombs with the Jaws crew? Did he backflip over longboarders on his experimental hydrofoil board? Not quite. He simply hit the water with his trusty paddleboard and an old kayak paddle and…stood up.
While Hamilton was received by the hostile line up with jeers, obscene gestures, and ominous cries of “you’re ruining our sport forever” (of course, I wasn’t there, but I can’t imagine it going any other way), the surf media quickly grabbed onto the story as a chance to print the word LAIRD in all capital letters, and the sport of stand up paddle surfing was born.
Stand up paddle surfing, dubbed “SUPing” by those in the know, has its roots in ancient Polynesian culture; however, it is only in recent years that SUV-driving baby boomers looking to finally try out surfing have really propelled this obscure form of waveriding into the mainstream. Effectively eliminating the steep learning curve of traditional surfing with its extra-wide deck and boat-like buoyancy (handy paddle not included), the stand up paddleboard has quickly become the vehicle of choice for uninspired newbies and arthritic geriatrics who can no longer spring to their feet quickly. And who can blame them for wanting to SUP? I mean, you don’t even have to get wet!
While this uncoordinated crew of SUPers might not appear like much of a threat with their funny paddles and goofy looking booties, I am warning you now–these guys are no laughing matter. With a diverse repetoire of deadly moves including the shoulder hop, the no-look paddle swipe, and the 12 foot board kickout-to-face combo, SUPers are so adept in destruction that they often take out surfers without even realizing it! So what now? What can we possibly do to fend off this incoming horde of wave wreckers and surf sabotagers? I, personally, advocate an aggressive first-strike policy that includes dirty looks, audible groans, and when all else fails, strategically worded sarcasm such as,”Hey, did that SUP board come in the mail with your AARP membership card?” or “Does that thing have a hemi??” Drastic measures, I know, but ultimately a small price to pay in order to protect our surf breaks from paddle-wielding goons!
For more information how to become a kook, please check out standuppaddlesurf.net.
